Ramblings of an infertile woman

Have been having a really hard time lately....

Thought about blogging to help get a few things off my chest.....

As a woman who has infertility issues there are a number of things that go through my mind.

....There are days I feel so empty inside that nothing seems to fill that void, and then there are days that the emptiness doesn't seem quite so bad.

Of course, there is nothing more hurtful to me than the jealousy I sometimes feel for women who can get pregnant without even thinking about it....I hate feeling that way but on the other hand I am truly happy for the women having babies that are going to be wonderful mothers. 

There are days where I have to literally drag myself out of bed to go  to work because there are so many women there who have just had their babies or are pregnant right now. I also feel bad about this. 

July would have been the month I was due had our IVF cycle worked so it has been extremely hard to function day to day. 

As I write all this I know that in all honesty my life is wonderful. I have an amazing husband, a mother who would go to the ends of the earth for me, an amazing man who has been like a father to me, a wonderful sister, beautiful nieces, friends that I would do anything for....many many things to be thankful for they can not be counted. I do not take these things for granted, and I never will, so please don't get my longing for a child or this blog wrong. 

I know that having a child is my number one dream. People sometimes ask me "Why don't you just travel the world?" I would love to travel the world and have 5 sports cars, but not more than having a child to give all my love unconditionally and share my life with. 

There are the ramblings of an infertile woman. Hope everyone enjoys it. 

--- Erin ---

First blog of our journey to become parents

Here goes....

Our fist blog about our journey to becoming parents through adoption....

I have never been much of a blogger but I have been inspired by all the support we have been getting recently. I think we owe that much.

We have been through so much in such the short 5 years that we have been married when it comes to trying to start our family. 

We first wanted  to try to start our family when we had been married for only two years. We went   and had a home study done and began the search for an adoption agency. Unfortunately every agency wanted prospective parents to be 25 or older and married for 5 years or more so we put our dreams of having a child on hold and we both focused on school. 

About a year and a half later we decided that going through the state was the best way to go. We had our home study updated and attended classes to become foster/adoptive parents. This was in February of 2010. In September of 2010 we received the call we had been waiting for.We then welcomed a beautiful 9 month old baby boy into our home and family. He changed our lives forever and we enjoyed every minute that we had to spend with him. He ended up going back to his mother 4 days after his first birthday in December. 

After he had gone back Rob, my sister and I talked about doing IVF. My sister wanted to donate eggs to us so that we could carry a baby of our own. 

My sister and I started our medicines in July of 2011 and began the process of harvesting her eggs and getting my body ready to have those eggs implanted. Sara's harvest was successful. We got 10 eggs and by the end 5 had fertilized. We encountered a small bump in the road though. My uterus had filled with fluid and we were not able to implant the embryo's fresh. They were frozen and I underwent a D&C in September.

After my D&C and another round of medicine my body was finally ready for implantation. We did the embryo transfer on October 17th and found out we were not pregnant on October 28th. This broke our hearts once again.

A few months after that it was offered to us to become parents through surrogacy. We attempted two times for pregnancy and were not successful. The surrogate then backed out on us with no explanation at all. 

So here we are on our endeavor to become parents again and we are praying with all of our hearts that this is our time and that our long wait is almost over. Please pray for us and help us in any way you are able to. Thank you so much for reading our blog. More to come!